How to Bring Sex Back Into a Sexless Marriage: Nᵒ13 Secrets of the Sexually Empowered

It’s natural to wonder how to save a sexless marriage. And you’re halfway there, as love is part of a strong foundation of a relationship. The reality is physical intimacy can ebb and flow over time. The trick is to get back to basics and reconnect like when you first met.

Sexless marriages are generally defined as a couple who hasn’t had sex in a year. Although, some broaden the definition to having sex less than ten times over 12 months. Sexless marriages happen for a variety of reasons. Stress, resentment, illness, anxiety, rejection, medication and mismatched libidos can all play a role.

There are two main paths to bring intimacy back into your relationship. One possibility is that you can identify and work through issues with a sex therapist. Another option is to reignite the spark on your own by doing something different, or find a sex coach to help guide you out of your sex rut.

When couples haven’t had sex in a while, it’s counterproductive to hop in bed and expect to have sex. What’s needed is to re-establish connection, get back to the basics and then put these elements together to get it on.

Here are some ideas to bring sex back into a sexless marriage. Often, wanting to resuscitate your sex life isn’t about having sex per se. It’s making and taking deliberate action steps. Start by reading through this Q&A together. When you’re through, look at each other and state your intention “our goal is to reconnect and enjoy physical intimacy again.” If you’re feeling ambitious, try all of these suggestions during the course of a day. Or, spread them out over a week. Whatever you choose, you want to create a schedule together so you stay on track.

Reminisce about when you first met: When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to forget why you got together in the first place. Sharing what you remember about when you first laid eyes on each other, and the feeling you had for one another when you dated can remind you of what’s possible.

Kiss, hug and cuddle: It may feel awkward at first to go back to the basics. However, non-sexual touch—without the expectation of it turning into anything more at this point—can give you the opportunity to feel more connected.

Boost your dopamine: When you first met there was a chemical cocktail stirring in your body that may have felt like butterflies. You can recreate this feeling by doing novel things together. When you’re able to relax and have a conversation, talk about 5 things you would each like to try with the other person that you haven’t done before. This may be taking a road trip, going to a new restaurant or it can be more extreme like skydiving. Then, pick at least one thing on the list, set a date, plan it, consider this your next date and see where it leads.

Soul gaze: Couples see each other in passing, but rarely intimately look at one another. This activity involves emotional connection. Sitting across from each other in a chair, place your right palm over the other person’s heart. Then, look into each other’s eyes for at least a few minutes. It’s common for couples to laugh at first, as it can feel awkward. However, once you get past that initial stage it can be transformative.

Increase your pleasure before rushing into sex:  Check out this guide for when you’re ready to fool around or have intercourse. It will surely give you ideas to ease back into sex, and hopefully want more.