How to Maximize Foreplay Before Having Sex: Nᵒ9 Secrets of the Sexually Empowered
Are you having the best sex of your life?
It’s one thing to rush into sex when you want to have a hot quickie. Maybe you get swept away in the heat of the moment, only have a few minutes before you’ll get interrupted, or decide to both allow your primal needs to take over to get off an orgasm filled with passion. However, if your usual M.O. is to fast forward with little or no foreplay, you can easily miss the opportunity to build anticipation, arousal, and a deeper level of pleasure for the two of you.
Foreplay is…
What you do before having sex to amp up arousal is considered foreplay. Some people skip or limit it to cut to the chase. Others aren’t really sure what to do. They don’t have a blueprint for what foreplay can look like, as it’s not something readily discussed or taught. If anything they may stick to the basics of kissing and genital stimulation that’s manual or oral before sex.
Stereotypically, for those with a penis, an erection if it’s in working order, is an obvious sign of arousal. A vagina tends to need time as it can be less obvious to know when the person is ready. After all, vaginal lubrication can come and go and isn’t necessarily an indication of sexual excitement. By investing time and effort to build intimacy, a person with a vagina can enjoy the process, and the person with a penis can benefit from it too.
Remember, foreplay can happen before you get naked. While it’s typically a sexual act to prime the body, thoughtful gestures leading up to foreplay feel good emotionally too.
Research suggests…
20 minutes of foreplay is ideal according to a study done several years ago. A more recent poll reports that on average foreplay lasts 5-10 minutes. While no one wants to be a clock-watcher when you’re getting it on, it’s important to know time is on your side.
Try these ideas with your partner to make the most of the intimate time leading up to the main event.
Engage the senses
Our senses have the power to enhance our lives and our sexual experiences. While you don’t want or need to engage everything at once, select things as if they were on a menu. As a couple, add elements from your own desires and fantasies too. Sometimes, suggestions can be multisensory and you can spend time focused on a specific activity. Or, each sack session can have its own theme that’s seductive, romantic, playful, flirty, or fun.
Scent:
Scent has the power to transport us to somewhere exotic, erotic, or evoke a sexy memory.
Wear a seductive perfume or cologne
Diffuse doTERRA essential oils in the air like lavender for relaxation, ying-yang to encourage joy and playfulness, jasmine to nurture healthy sexuality and balance, or cinnamon for sexual harmony
Light a scented candle
Shower together using fragrant shampoo and soap or let your sweat linger from a long day if it’s a turn on for your partner
Touch:
Our skin is the largest organ of our body.
Give or get a massage
Tickle with a feather or tease with a vibrator, whip, or flogger
Give or get manual or oral stimulation (the usual spots are the vulva, vagina, or penis)
Stimulate areas of the body that typically don’t get a lot of attention: like nipples, the perineum, anus, prostate, clitoris, or G-spot
Taste:
Savory, sweet, salty, tangy and citrus are amazing to taste, yet rather indescribable as to how it makes us feel.
Have an aromatic wine tasting
Play with whipped cream tracing the lines of each other’s lips and enjoy making out
Paint decadent melted chocolate on your partner’s body and lick your way along the erotic trail
Warm or cool your mouth drinking a hot tea or sucking on a mint before giving oral sex
Sound:
We are surrounded by sounds in our daily life. When we are able to isolate sounds and match them to scenes in our lives they can hold an emotional charge. They have the power to make us feel safe, calm, status quo, scared, or satiated.
Listen to music
Go somewhere romantic where you can experience the sounds of nature
Talk erotically to each other, telling your partner what you want to do to them, or what you want them to do to you
Express yourselves with your voices as moans or heavy breathing adding an undeniable dimension
Sight:
Our ability to see adds a variety of color, texture, and depth to our lives.
Turn your bedroom into an erotic haven
Gaze into each other’s eyes
Wear lingerie that you slowly remove
Read erotica or watch porn together and recreate what you see
A few facts to consider:
If you’re using latex during your encounter, remember oil-based products whether lube or food products can deteriorate latex condoms
The sole purpose of the clitoris is for pleasure and those with a vulva need clitoral stimulation to climax. Many toys can help with that.
Don’t waste your time looking for your G-spot from the get-go—it takes about 20 minutes of heightened arousal for it to make its appearance
Two hot spots on the penis are the corona (the ridge around the head) and the raphe (the line down the scrotal sac)
The perineum is an often untouched pleasurable area to stimulate
Take the time to explore new areas and you’ll surely uncover other erogenous zones.
When you take your time for foreplay—and are attentive to each other—your sack sessions will likely be unforgettable.