Would You Rather Go Forward Or Backward?
Imagine there’s a computer touch screen in front of you.
It says: If you had the choice to relive an event from your past what would you choose and why?
If there’s a possibility to be transported to the future what would you want to see play out?
You only have one choice.
So, what will it be?
Read on to see how my client Kara clicked the future arrow and forwarded to a future of true love, commitment and intimacy with her partner and herself.
CLIENT CASE STUDY AND TESTIMONIAL
When Kara initially called me she was 26 and in her first “real” relationship. She labeled herself as having “intimacy issues” that she believed stemmed from her childhood – primarily with her relationship with her mom.
Kara shared that in high school and college, when it seemed like a guy was interested in being more than friends, she psyched herself out consciously and unconsciously to make sure nothing ever happened. She simply felt if something sexual happened she wouldn’t be good enough, and end up embarrassed. So, Kara ended everything before it could start. She told me her fears – including her limited sexual experience, as she was a virgin – compounded by not having an emotionally close relationship with her mom, created an unhealthy relationship pattern of avoidance.
With each passing year, the more insecure she felt, the more afraid she became of getting close to a guy. This extended to how she felt about her body and about opening herself up in general to be with a partner. No one consistently told her she’s pretty or sexy – and she let this be a message to her SELF. And she often felt judged by her mom, even though her mother never verbally expressed this to her. Needless to say societal, familial and self beauty standards were taking their toll.
When I asked Kara, why coaching now? She told me she recently began dating someone she considered very experienced and felt her confidence and ability to explain her insecurities to him was minimal. Let alone being that this was the most progress she had made with someone physically, she felt particularly vulnerable.
There was a lot to work on within the three month IGNITE Program. Kara had been to a therapist, and knew she only wanted to work with a coach. She wanted a proactive approach, was committed to change and we both felt we were a good match after the initial strategy session.
As we worked together, Kara learned to articulate more of her feelings, she lost her virginity (which was her desire), increased her communication about what felt good to her and began to work on connecting with her mom. She dressed more feminine and fun – which is something she really wanted to do – expressing a side of herself that was dormant for much of her childhood. Kara started to feel more comfortable in her body and experience more pleasure in her life.
Ultimately, it turned out this guy wasn’t a good match for her. They parted ways, she held on to what she could of the relationship and needed to see him again and again at various points in time. Avoidance was replaced with learning to let go. To help Kara move on, I coached her to start the next chapter of her life – gently when she needed nurturing, more firmly when I had a different perspective that she agreed was in her best interest.
There were so many topics to tackle – more layers that presented themselves at the get-go than most of my clients. We were in it and making real progress. At the end of three months, Kara wanted to continue indefinitely. We worked through navigating dating in the real world and online, getting more grounded in her body and feeling great, healing the relationship with her mom (which is now at an elevated level), feeling more connected to her dad and other family members too, dating someone new, navigating the ins and outs of a healthy relationship, learning what it takes to have a sense of self when coupled, allowing for openness and intimacy with a partner, expressing love, giving and receiving pleasure – we worked through every area of her heart that needed to heal, be nurtured, experience joy and be fulfilled. It wasn’t an easy road, but Kara made tremendous progress. Where one chapter was written and finished in the first three months – a few chapters later Kara’s life was transformed, and we parted ways so she could let go and “live” on her own.
Kara and I still keep in touch. She sent me this email back in November…
“I wanted to send you a little update re. everything…things with Steven are still going VERY well!! He came home with me for Thanksgiving and met my parents (and a good amount of my family). Everyone really loved him—used the words loved, haha. He said he had an amazing weekend—so I was very happy all around. It was also, by far, the best trip home I have had with my mom in a very, very long time too.
Also, I thought I’d share some sex-related info with you It’s really, really good! He makes me feel very comfortable and my anxiety re. moaning/talking/etc is no more. Also, my kissing anxiety is completely gone! It’s a really nice feeling to simply enjoy sex/cuddling/making out and not be nervous about it.”
They have been living together for a few months now. Kara just emailed me that they picked out her engagement ring two weeks ago, and Steven now has it safely stashed in a hiding spot until the BIG event!
The next chapter is about to begin!
THE REAL DEAL: PRAISE FROM KARA
“I have found my time working with Amy to be invaluable. I initially sought coaching with Amy for insecurities I experienced due to intimacy, performance anxiety and body image. I am truly happy with the progress I have made in all these areas.
Amy provides a warm and safe environment. Her genuine care for my progress was evident. I always felt that she accepted me for who I am and where I was at, yet she continually encouraged me to make changes to help move me closer to my goals and values. Another aspect of coaching I found very helpful was the weekly homework assignments we collaboratively created. Also the weekly tracker that Amy encouraged me to complete was a great supplement for our work together. Sending her my tracker on a weekly basis allowed me to share with Amy specific events, thoughts, and feelings that occurred throughout the week. I felt that this technique helped Amy gain a deeper understanding into my life which I believe helped improve our work together.
I value the work that Amy and I have done together and highly recommended Amy to anyone who is looking to make changes to move closer toward the type of life you want for yourself.”
TWEET Don’t let hurtful things people say or do hurt your SELF.